May 23, 2014

The Day I Tried Disc Golf.. | Personal Post


“You spelled disc wrong…” & we’re off to a great start friends.

My family is probably laughing at that title. If you know me.. You know I’m not athletic & my mom right now is going “but you’re a dannnncerrrr“. I can’t play sports but I can dance & I rock zumba like no ones business.

Michael wanted to go disc golfing and I gladly agreed. I “golfed” (Michael, is that even right?) a couple of holes and he claims that I did well (which in reality I was pretty horrendous). We got in the car to leave and he asked what I thought.

& then it kinda hit me.

I’m not that bad at sports. I’ve known all along that I’m not competitive which is a key component to athleticism but it’s the performance in front of others. It’s the paranoia of “are they judging me?” “are they laughing at my inabilities?”.. And realistically do they care? No. And realistically why do I care? I don’t know why but I do. I explained that if it were just us on the course and no one else.. I’d be fine. But it’s the people standing & just watching that gives me anxiety.

But when does this inability to perform in front of others stop?

The second I get behind the camera.

It’s mind boggling really because I’ve never struggled with rounding up a bridal party or shooting a ceremony with 150 guests. Sure I get butterflies and my palms get clamy but maybe it’s because the focus isn’t on me..No one really cares what I’m doing because it’s about the bride and groom.

Or maybe it’s because it’s right where I belong.